How could did half of me think to leave this amazing place that easy?
Tuhan gave me easy way to get here, to see you guys. Everybody wants to be like me. I can't imagine my life after leaving you all.
I just want to love you, and give you my all, for the laugh and tears.
You must be surprised when I told you that I am now doing a theraphy. Yas! I am sick. I'm having that Can't-Appreciate-Self disease. It's hard to believe that I didn't respect myself like other people do. I seem so fine outside, but I just realized that I'm so broke inside. I treat myself like the outcast. I slapped myself so I could see how precious I actually am.
With a burden to keep my authenticity as Smiley Vitamin that people usually like from me, it's a hard thing to do. As I try to stand on my own without any intervention from other people, I still need their guide, which actually I can get from my God.
I'll soon be able to see the real-honored Ria Utami!
I'll show you!
I am trying hard to not cry now.
I won't let anyone see my tears,
because I'm the smiley vitamin,
because I'm a Leo,
because I am Ria Utami.
I was so disappointed this eeeeearly morning, because Sly totally didn't know how to treat a girl.
But, hell yeah.. Now I can see that Seb far deep inside is better than that his bestie, eventhough I know he is supa dupa player. And he took my first kiss. Yippie! I don't feel anything but blessed because in a second, God shows me the way that I've been asking for a month, even months.
I had a target. It was said that I should at least had a time to spend all day long for going to an unknown place spontaniously, unplanned, and let myself go along with my feet. And, I made it today. I was not too satisfied, coz I just got one place to go that actually could be more places. But that's okay. So, I know now what to do for the next trip.
No matter what people say, I keep my principle, I will choose whom I want to love. I won't force myself to open my heart for to someone to who I say 'No'.
Depressed,
laughed,
depressed,
bangkrupcy,
depressed,
laughed,
depressed,
lost,
depressed,
laughed,
depressed,
disappointed,
depressed,
committed to suicide,
depressed,
laughed,
depressed,
lonely,
depressed,
laughed,
depressed,
tired,
depressed,
laughed,
depressed,
overloaded,
depressed.
